The first day of NaNo is always the hardest.

Do I have a plot? Do I have a character? Do I have something to start the first paragraph with? Do I have somewhere to go with the bare bones of a story or an idea?

I look at the NaNo forums to try and get some idea, if I have nothing. I really like the adopt a title and adopt a first line. This year, I am looking at all kinds of ideas in the forums in order to spark some kind of revelation to my imagination.

So far, I do have a character, title, epigraph, dedication, opening line, and possible closing line.

Where does the idea spark come into play?

It’s like two ears but no brain/head in between.

I have only another 2 and a half hours in this day to get a journal entry completed, and 1667 words for NaNo day 1 completed.

Sigh.

Oh my faculties are so rusty. I have not written solidly for several years. I gae up on my paper journal. Depression sucks the life right out of everything–especially one’s creativity.

I used to pride myself on my journal-keeping, and on my writing. But I gave up. It became so hard to put pen to paper. I started so many blogs and gave up on those also. Now I am free to write again; i mean I feel free to finally START writing again.

Faith is not enough. I have to put my pen to paper.

I have to exercise a thought muscle that has not been used consistently for several years.

How sad it is when I open my most recent paper journal, and see that I’ve barely written anything since 2012, when I used to be able to fill a journal in a month or two, depending on length of the journal.

There’s a whole section of 2013 when I wrote nothing. What did I do then? I no longer remember.

So I’m keeping this journal for its original purpose: daily writing practice. I have to do something. I have to. The muscle must be exercised.It has atrophied from disuse.

Even figuring out what to type here is exhausting. I want to give up, to do something else (wash teh dishes, clean the counters, take out the trash), but I have to keep going. I have to find the strength and courage to just keep going, no matter what.

So now I must get back to the window that holds the current work-in-progress. I have a lot left to type, and not so much time left in which to do it.

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